I’m sorry to say, there are a few people out there that I’ve had quite challenging feelings towards. But this is my story, these are my experiences, and this is how various people and things out there have affected me, for better or for worse. The point is not to shame, but to share with others all of the ways in which we feel pain. It's been impossible to not identify some, but I’ve actually gone to great lengths to protect others that I’ve mentioned, because they’re still cared for, and I don’t want to hurt them by identifying them in any way to others.
You’re never going to know how close we are to the edge of our sanity. We don’t commonly show it, because we know people just aren’t going to understand unless they’ve been there too. We’re already feeling threatened, and possibly cornered by cancer. Even if we're in remission or all clear, it's still finding ways to push our buttons most every single day. You don't just "get over" cancer like you get over the flu. It scars you very deeply inside.
You need to be at your very best around us. You need to be able to bring positive and uplifting energy to the table, and we need to sense that your hearts and your intentions towards us are pure and honest. If we even suspect any impropriety from you, you’re doing it wrong. Believe me when I say, we’re not going to react well. Cancer can already have us on full alert. We might already be getting pushed to our limits, even if you have no idea. You didn’t see me wiping away tears five minutes ago, and now you’re pushing my buttons too. In the blink of an eye, you'll be gone.
"10 Important Lessons on Life, Love, and Forgiveness After Cancer"
All has been forgiven. It's funny how life works. It was because I had felt so betrayed and disgusted, that I completely changed directions, and found the path that I was meant to be on. It's because I had felt so abandoned, that I finally opened my mind and found what was truly meant for me in this world. Maybe, sometimes, we need to hurt like this, and that it's only through periods of great suffering that we finally rise up, and make the changes that we need to make in our lives in order to thrive. Years have passed now in most cases, and I've actually become very thankful for these people, despite the pain they had caused initially. Had I not been so hurt, I probably wouldn't have made the changes that I needed to in my life. It's through this realization that I've been able to forgive and love again, and have found the peace that I've needed.
I've come full circle, and actually have very kind things to say towards those that had hurt me in the past. I don't think some of them could ever possibly understand why or how, but at least I can feel that love and appreciation for myself through this writing, even if they'll never know. :)