Of all the amazing people I've had in my life over the past few years, from my wife to such wonderful friends that have been by my side through my darkest times, there's none that I've learned more from about how I've needed to live my life after cancer, nor any that I've been more inspired by than my son. This kid is simply amazing!
In my years after cancer, I was constantly filled with worry. I worried about my next scans, I worried about my cancer coming back, and I worried about my body failing me. I was worried about being taken from my wife and my children, and not being around for my family. My wife and I had just brought two beautiful children into this world, and now cancer was threatening to take me away from them, the life we had built together, and all and our dreams. I was terrified just of living in my own skin, and haunted by the hell that I had been through fighting cancer. I worried about having to go through chemo and brutal surgeries again if my cancer came back, and worried so much that I found it difficult to enjoy the moment. My worries killed me. My son saved me.
As I watched William play, and his personality develop in my first years after cancer, I noticed some important differences between us. As I worried about tomorrow and was haunted about what happened yesterday, he just enjoyed the moment constantly, with all of his happy silly playful energy. Will is such a happy kid, and is almost always laughing, has a smile on his face, or is up to something. He knows nothing of tomorrow, never thinks of what happened yesterday, and just enjoys the moment constantly and whomever he's with. It's not just the innocence of youth that explains him, but the amazing energy of the soul within. Whenever I'd been down and my demons had been getting the better of me, there was never a time that William failed to put a smile on my face and lift my spirits high. Not only did I learn exactly how I needed to live my life after cancer just by watching my own son, but he also taught me the types of people that I needed to surround myself with. I learned to let go of my worries about tomorrow or the next day, and just live in the moment today, like my son. And the friends that I surrounded myself with needed to be positive energy types, engaged in the here and now, that could help to retrain my mind. Debbie Downer types, or anybody who brought any sort of negative energy to the table needn't apply. I was already overwhelmed with that from all of the ways in which cancer had polluted my mind, and it took me years to finally shed it all.
William was "not planned." :) My wife was actually on birth control at the time! He was an "oops!!!" By the time we did plan to have another child, it's entirely possible that my cancer diagnosis and permanent fertility loss from treatments might have gotten in the way, and made another child difficult if not impossible to ever have. God(s) or the Universe clearly intended for William to enter our lives. They knew of the trouble coming, and that this incredible soul would be the key to helping us survive what life was going to put us through. There's no one that I've learned from more in life after cancer, nor anyone who's inspired me more than my son. What a gift and blessing to have in our lives. We love you so much more than mere words could possibly convey.