I've reached a point in my life where I no longer give a shit about what other people might say or think. I can sit down with anyone and share my whole truth and nothing but my entire cold hard truth and reality, and I know that I have absolutely nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed of, more than a bit to be proud of, and that no one has any right to judge me. No, our lives aren't perfect. More than a few things have gone wrong, and some things terribly and unconscionably wrong. If even I don't understand my life and all that's happened more often than not, then how the hell could I expect anyone else to? Nevertheless, we're still here, we still have our sanity, we still have our love, and despite having come close a few times, we've never truly lost ourselves or each other through all that we've been through together. We are where we are today because we've always faced what life has handed us head on. We've never been ones to sweep things under the rug.
You have to own whatever you've been through
No matter what life has thrown at you, you have to own it. Cancer diagnosis? Own it. Have a cheating spouse or a failed marriage or relationship? A friend owns that like a boss in the same exact way that I took ownership of my life after cancer. Do you have mental health issues such as anxiety or depression or posttraumatic stress? No one else can feel what you're personally feeling, so there's no one else that can own these issues but you. It's the norm for close friends and even loved ones to not have even the slightest clue about what you're feeling inside after something like cancer, but support and help is available for all of these things, and you're hardly alone in what you feel. Our humanity binds us, but in the end you have to own it yourself. As painful as a loss is, the failure of a marriage or relationship, or of a diagnosis of cancer or a disease or any number of painful and traumatic life situations can all be, you have to own your grief and your evolution beyond.
Taking ownership applies equally to life in general as it does to things like cancer and traumatic experiences. If you have friends that are assholes, own that by getting rid of them and finding better ones. If social media is driving you crazy, own it by turning it off rather than allowing it to continue owning you by dragging you down. If you've had despicable people in your life that have abused you, treated you poorly, or tried to take advantage of you, tell them to go fuck themselves and remove them from your life. Sometimes this means standing alone and braving the wilderness for a little while or even a long while, and that's okay. I would rather stand alone than be in the company of cheats, frauds, liars, and hypocrites, and to ever remain in association with such despicable people. You don't have to know what's next, you just have to know that you deserve better.
Your Happiness Is Your Responsibility
There's only one person in the entire world that's responsible for your personal happiness, and that's you. No one else can fix your problems for you, and no one else can truly make you happy but you, whether your struggles are with your internal world, the external, or both. Life isn't always fair and commonly isn't. It's your responsibility to deal with what you've been facing and to grow and evolve past it all, to find ways to heal, and to find forgiveness for those that have caused you pain.
Forgiveness is not for others, but for yourself, so that you can move on in peace and find happiness once again. Never wait around for people that have wronged you to apologize or to make a situation right, because they almost never will. We live in a world filled with egos where people have no shame, no respect, no honor, and no awareness or care of the consequences of their actions. The moment you cede your power to something or someone else, waiting for them to do the right thing when they probably don't even give a shit due to their own issues, you're no longer owning your problems or your happiness, but allowing them to. Why would you allow someone who likely doesn't give a shit to have any ownership stake in your personal happiness or sense of well-being? This is why even if you didn't create the mess, you still need to own the situation. So OWN IT and move beyond.
You have the power within you to evolve your way through whatever you might face in life, and to eventually find peace and happiness once again. Sometimes we must evolve, and the failure to do so can be extremely destructive.
The Destructive POWER OF LIES
Whatever you don't, don't ever resort to lying to or being dishonest with yourself and others. Time and time again my wife and I have both seen just how destructive dishonesty with yourself and with others can be. We have both had the great displeasure of having people in our lives that we have loved and had gone to ends of the earth to support, only to end up with daggers in our backs. While there's no denying that all of these people had been carrying tremendous burdens that were entirely worthy of our support, it doesn't give them any right to hurt those that had been going above and beyond to uplift them. To have invested so much time and emotional energy all in the name of love for another, just to feel the sting of the most terrible and despicable lies, is a special kind of betrayal and pain to endure. And we've had to own that, too.
Never believe the lies of toxic people - just keep living your truth.
In the end, this only reflects poorly on the other people. Normal and healthy people don't trash the shit out of those that have done nothing but love and support them for years. Things like this are merely reflections of the pain they feel within being projected outwards. The lies they tell themselves and of others are created due to their inability to resolve their issues, to own up to their own terrible mistakes and misjudgement, or their inability to ever grow and evolve past their own pain. The web of lies creates a new and far more favorable false reality and narrative in their minds, which in the end is so much easier than coming to terms with what is, but at great cost. Suddenly, the savior that had been working tirelessly becomes the villain and the cause of all that went wrong in these lies, who then loses all their desire to support. Who wouldn't cut that shit off?
It can be difficult if not impossible to solve the problems in our lives. Some just cannot be resolved and a situation can never be made right. It's so much easier to lie about a problem than to be truthful and resolve it, but in the end this is only cheating and betraying yourself, and is a betrayal of those that truly do love and care about you. Above all, be honest and truthful with yourself. It's the only to get what you truly need.
You Don't Know What You Don't KNow About People
I've taken full ownership and responsibility for everything I've ever faced in life, and that's why I'm where I am today. Not once have I ever deflected a problem or blame onto another, I learned very quickly to never cede my power to anything or anyone else to make a terrible wrong a right, and not once have I ever created a lie or false narrative as a means to get around my problems. I'm a Scorpio - I need everything raw and real, and have always been completely allergic to bullshit.
I also know very well that you never know what you don't know about people. I make no assumptions about what was truly on the other end of various explosive situations in our lives, nor what exactly drove various people to behave towards us as they did. Everyone is fighting a battle that you know nothing about, which also applies to myself. You don't know what I've been going through either. You think it's just cancer that has pushed me to the limits of my sanity? You're wrong, there's so much more. You just never know what you don't know about people. I claim to know nothing, and assume nothing, and just send people on their way and out of my life. Should anyone ever ask me about what the hell ever happened with situations A, B, or C, (or D, E, or F, and yes there are that many), an "I don't fucking know" is about as much as you're ever going to get from me, because I truly don't.
"If you meet someone whose soul is not aligned with yours,
send them love and move along." Dr Wayne Dyer
You Own Your Life - Everyone Else Has To Own Theirs
I have to own my life, and everyone else has to own theirs. There's certainly some things that I've had to do that I'm not particularly proud of, and more than a few situations that I wished could have turned out better or had never happened at all. Sometimes I might come up a bit short on the "send them love" part, but I stand behind every single thing that I've ever done, I've never lied to myself, and I sleep well at night. You have to be at peace with yourself, and you'll never feel that until you do what's right for you, and not another.
I have my truth, my reality, my honor, my power, my resolutions, my forgiveness, and my ways of evolving and moving forward, and know that I have always behaved honorably and with good intentions towards all. It's terrifying and can take tremendous amounts of courage to make big changes in our lives, but I've refused to suffer, refused to be unhappy, and have refused to be abused and disrespected also. You're the author of your life. If you're not happy where you're at, you alone have the power to make changes by taking ownership and responsibility for your life. I know exactly how hard I've worked to get to where I am in a place of peace and happiness, and that's precisely why I have such little tolerance for bullshit from others, and you shouldn't either.
I have full ownership of my life and my happiness, and depend upon no one but myself for that. No one can take any of that away from me, and that's why I'm at peace today.
YOU OWN YOUR LIFE AND YOUR HAPPINESS.
Don't get bitter. Just keep getting better.