The World Needs You
We were out for dinner tonight, and eventually a beautiful young woman in her 20's walked in and sat down at the table across from us with some friends. Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a semi-colon tattoo down her side, and all I could do was just smile, happy that she didn't do it, happy that she was able to overcome her demons and that she was still here, and what a waste it would have been.
We were out for dinner tonight, and eventually a beautiful young woman in her 20's walked in and sat down at the table across from us with some friends. Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a semi-colon tattoo down her side, and all I could do was just smile, happy that she didn't do it, happy that she was able to overcome her demons and that she was still here, and what a waste it would have been.
The greatest gift that I've ever received are the angels in my life that helped to pull me back into the light, when my own post-cancer demons had gotten the better of me. The greatest gift that I've been able to give, is to have been that light for others facing the same.
You are beautiful. You are unique. You are worthy. To believe anything else is betraying yourself. When you can't feel that and you're hurting like this, help is always out there. Talk to someone. Talk to me. Or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline '1-800-273-TALK (8255)' right there. The world needs you. <3
StevePake.com
Do It Now, Sometimes Later Becomes Never
Do I even really need to post this one? It's a lesson that's been drilled home not just once, but a few times with me. I always had my entire life in front of me and plenty of time to do everything I wanted, until I was diagnosed with cancer. Ever since then, there's never been a such things as next year, or 5 or 10 years from now, or "when I retire". I don't have a life plan like that anymore. It's a foreign concept to me now, and it's not just because I had cancer as a young adult.
Do I even really need to post this one? It's a lesson that's been drilled home not just once, but a few times with me. I always had my entire life in front of me and plenty of time to do everything I wanted, until I was diagnosed with cancer. Ever since then, there's never been a such things as next year, or 5 or 10 years from now, or "when I retire". I don't have a life plan like that anymore. It's a foreign concept to me now, and it's not just because I had cancer as a young adult.
Whether it's rare diseases, or sudden deaths due to tragedy, or so many other things, my how we've seen just how quickly lives can end or change so suddenly, and then you're not able to do what you've wanted to do anymore, or anything at all. The only thing predictable about life for us, is that it's not predictable. Life is fluid and constantly changing, and we have to learn to go with the flow, and that the flow can also end, without rhyme or reason.
Life after cancer is tough. One one hand, we quickly realize just how precious our lives and our time here is, but on the other hand, our fears can rule us and paralyze us from living our dreams, and doing the things we've wanted to do. Don't allow your fears to rule you. You have a second chance now, and there might not be a third. Go! Live! Do what you've always wanted to do, and make those dreams a reality. You don't need anyone's permission.
StevePake.com
Be Kind, For Everyone Is Fighting A Battle You Know Nothing About
Although I write mainly about my life experiences as a young adult cancer survivor on my website, having cancer as a young adult is not the only major life challenge that I and my family have faced. There have been other challenges in our lives that have been just as painful as my cancer fight and years long recovery, if not even moreso. Cancer is just what I'm comfortable being open about. There's so much more.
Although I write mainly about my life experiences as a young adult cancer survivor on my website, having cancer as a young adult is not the only major life challenge that I and my family have faced. Cancer is just what I'm open about, but there are other things that I don't really talk about, because I'm not ready for people to know, don't want people to know, or I'm protecting those who do. I thought cancer would be the big story of my life, but I was wrong. If cancer is the story you know about me, it's just the tip of the iceberg at this point. There's so much more.
The point is, you never know what people are dealing with inside, nor what they've had to face in life. It's through being open about my own struggles with cancer, that others have opened up to me about their own life struggles, and I've been shocked at what some of my friends have told me of in confidence, that even their own close friends might not know about. You just never know.
Be Kind Always, For Everyone You Meet Is Fighting A Battle You Know Nothing About
People don't act out towards others in strange, inappropriate, or hurtful ways because they're doing well in life. They act out towards others because they're hurting inside, because their pain is getting the better of them, or because they're on the losing end of their own inner battle. The only times I've acted out towards others has been because I myself was hurting inside, or on the losing end of my own inner battle, and couldn't stand to be hurt anymore. It doesn't matter where the pain came from, and whether it was my own, or what I was getting from somebody else. We act out because we're hurting inside. I've been that person, and others have been that person towards me.
Retaliation is not the answer - this is:
"If you meet someone whose soul is not aligned with yours,
send them love and move along." - Dr. Wayne Dyer
People who are hurting, don't need to be hurt even more. Take some deep breathes, realize that you're dealing with a very hurt individual, send them love and forgive them for their transgressions, and step away. The most wounded, are the most in need of love, and the most in need of your compassion. Do your best for these people, not your worst.
StevePake.com
If You Plant Flowers, You'll Get Flowers
I’ve been saying for a while now that our attitudes and beliefs are self-fulfilling prophecies. If you believe in yourself with all of your heart and soul, and try to be the best person that you can be every day to overcome your challenges, that eventually you’ll find the paths forward that you need. An open mind and an open heart will find what a closed one will not.
I love this cartoon. I’ve been saying for a while now that our attitudes and beliefs are self-fulfilling prophecies. If you believe in yourself with all of your heart and soul, and try to be the best person that you can be every day to overcome your challenges, that eventually you’ll find the paths forward that you need. An open mind and an open heart will find what a closed one will not. If you don’t believe in yourself, you won’t try, you won’t find what you need, and you'll continue to suffer. What we feel and believe inside can be either our most valuable asset, or our own worst enemy. I’ve lived and breathed this for years, and have never stopped believing in myself.
If you plant flowers, you’ll get flowers.
All of my writing over the years has been for me, trying to heal myself from the very deep wounds inflicted when I was diagnosed with cancer nearly six years ago now. I’ve woken up every day for the past few years just trying to be the best person that I could be that day. Plenty of times I’ve failed at that, and that’s okay. We’re all human. I picked myself back up again, never stopped believing in myself, kept getting up and trying my best every day, and eventually have found the paths forward that I’ve needed to heal.
What if I hadn’t believed in myself? What if I hadn’t kept an open mind? What if I had given up? What if I had stopped trying?
You see, the self-fulfilling prophecy…
If you plant flowers, you'll get flowers.
There aren’t too many people out there that have overcome what I have without therapists and drugs and other such things, but I’m one who has. This hasn’t been an easy path to take, but I never stopped believing in myself and did it. Attitude is everything. Own it and control it, and there isn’t much you can’t do or overcome.
Who knew that all of my writing would blossom as it has, and become such a huge source of inspiration and empowerment for so many others who have faced cancer around the world? I sure didn't. If you plant flowers, you'll get flowers.
What do you believe in for 2017? If you’re not believing in good things, why not? If good things don’t happen, perhaps look in the mirror to find where the problem might be?
I’m only believing in good things for 2017.
If you plant flowers, you’ll get flowers.
StevePake.com
Fall In Love With Souls, Not Faces
This, right here, is beautiful. This is Rachel Farnsworth of The Stay at Home Chef, responding to some mean-spirited comments about her gray hair and "looking old". Give it a watch.
This, right here, is beautiful. This is Rachel Farnsworth of The Stay at Home Chef, responding to some mean-spirited comments about her gray hair and "looking old". Give it a watch.
Like Rachel, I have a very different perspective on aging as well. At 39, I have a lot of grey hair now, too. I know I'm a guy and that nobody really cares, but I don't particularly "like" them either, and my joke is that I admire every single one of them and then go and get a fresh "Mr. Clean" buzz cut. Yes, grey hair means I'm still here. That means a lot to someone who was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 33 and thought they were going to die, nearly did die during a surgery fighting it, and once again feared death when they thought their cancer had returned on a few occasions in the years after. I don't have the younger face that I did a few years ago, I have a whole lot less hair now, and many more of them are grey, and I love every bit of it. It means I'm still alive, and still here to enjoy my family and my friends, and people that have been meaningful to me in my life.
I'm blessed to be married to an incredibly beautiful woman, and to have a few more as friends. They go to great lengths to keep themselves looking younger and are terrified of aging. I think they're crazy. I fall in love with souls, not with faces, or hair color. A beautiful person to me is one who's beautiful on the inside, and that beauty will shine through to the outside. In a world full of fakes, it's so easy to tell.
Rachel Farnsworth is doing exactly what we all need to be doing, focusing on making the best possible lives for ourselves right now. Just as there's no guarantee for someone like Rachel later in life with an auto-immune disease, there's no guarantee for those of us that have had cancer as young adults, either. We need to live the best possible lives that we can for ourselves right now, and each and every day. But guess what? There's no guarantees for anybody period. Life and health are not givens, never were, and never will be either. We all need to live for each day, not just those of us with cancer histories or diseases lurking in the background.
Rachel has a fair number of grey hairs, and whatever else you want to pick out. All I see is a beautiful woman, because I see the beautiful soul within. Bodies and looks will come and go. A beautiful soul is forever. That's what's worth falling in love with, and that can never be taken from you. Fall in love with souls, not with faces, and put the judgement away.
As I'm typing this now, I've just learned that breast cancer survivor and author, Nalie Agustin has experienced a recurrence of her cancer, and that it's metastasized to her lungs. She has to start chemotherapy again today, she's going to lose her hair again, and her whole life and world and all of the big plans she had for 2017 and beyond just came crashing down. Here's another beautiful soul. Forget about hair or losing it. Perhaps this puts things in perspective for a few, of just how much of a privilege it is to even have hair, as people fighting for their lives against cancer commonly don't. Nalie and so many other cancer fighters like her will always be beautiful no matter what, because the soul within is beautiful. Only a fake friend or one who's ugly on the inside would make such disparaging comments about grey hair or no hair, and the last thing cancer fighters and survivors need are people like those in their lives. Good riddance. Stay strong Nalie! We're all with you!
StevePake.com
Finish 2016 And Be Done With It
I had to borrow one of my favorite Emerson quotes and adapt it to move on from last year. "Finish 2016 and be done with it. you have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. 2017 is a New Year. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense from 2016."
I had to borrow one of my favorite Emerson quotes and adapt it to move on from last year.
"Finish 2016 and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. 2017 is a New Year. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense from 2016."
I'm leaving the tragedies and emotional wreckage of 2016 in the rearview mirror. I have to. I have big plans for 2017, and there's no way I'm going to achieve any of them if I'm stuck in the past, and looking in the rearview mirror. What's done is done. How much control did I really have over all that happened in 2016? Virtually none. And what could I have done to possibly change anything that happened? Not a damned thing. We've been through it all a thousand times over. Thus, there's zero point in being hung up emotionally on things I had no real control over in the first place, and no real ability to change. I was just along for the ride in 2016, and I did the best I could. We all did.
It's 2017 now. It's a New Year, and I shall indeed begin it serenely, and with too high a spirit to be encumbered from all of the nonsense from 2016. I have big plans for 2017, and goals I fully intend to achieve. When I say I'm going to do something, I do it, and I'm either all-in 110% or don't even bother. No looking back on the past. It's time to make this year happen.
StevePake.com
Love Your Fucking Life
The fear of many cancer fighters and survivors isn't necessarily that of death, but of life not lived. For those of us that are lucky enough to get an all clear, and are freed from the chains of the medical system, what in the hell are you waiting for? Get out there!
The fear of many cancer fighters and survivors isn't necessarily that of death, but of life not lived. For those of us that are lucky enough to get an all clear, and are freed from the chains of the medical system, what in the hell are you waiting for? Get out there! LIVE your lives, go places, do things, take chances, and live your dreams. Tell the people that have meant something to you how much you love and appreciate them. Be genuine. Be real. Be YOU for the first time, and not what other people, societies, or cultures expect you to be. BE YOU, and fucking love it! The world needs you to be you, and to get out there and make a difference for everyone else.
It's okay to be a afraid. It's okay to curl up on your couch in a ball of tears from time to time. Lord knows I've been there plenty of times, but don't stay there for too long. You can't change the past, and have no control over the future. Go do something amazing right now instead. Go someplace you've always wanted to go, or do something you've always wanted to do. Cross an item off of your list, no matter how big or how small. If not now, when? You don't need anyone's permission, nor do you owe anyone an apology just for being YOU. Love your fucking life. Don't waste that shit! Take a million pictures, and show everybody else how it's done. :)
StevePake.com
Dedicated to the most amazing oncology nurse ever, mine, Trish Traylor, who posted this photo. Thanks Trish! I needed this! :)
It's Okay If Other People Don't Understand Your Life
I don't expect other people to be able to understand my life, my values, nor what I believe in. They've not had these experiences for themselves, and even I struggle to wrap my head around all that life has put my family and I through. It's okay. I no longer worry about being the only one, or that other people don't understand. What's important is love and not judgement, and dialog and not assumption.
I'm 39 years old, and have finally reached the last year of my 30's. My life experience over these past ten years of life has been that of constantly having the carpet ripped out from underneath you, and not just learning to get back up again, but learning to do so with a smile. It's not just being diagnosed with cancer at the age of 33 that I speak of, but numerous other life experiences of the same caliber that have really knocked my family and I down. We just keep getting back up again, learn to smile through it all, and always come back better and stronger than ever.
I don't expect other people to be able to understand my life, my values, nor what I believe in. They've not had these experiences for themselves, and even I struggle to wrap my head around all that life has put my family and I through. It's okay. I no longer worry about being the only one, or that other people don't understand. What's important is love and not judgement, and dialog and not assumption. I'm the only one that walks in my shoes, and how many people would end up thinking and believing the same as me, had they experienced all that I had for themselves?
It's okay to just be you, and to do what's right for you. Nobody else has to understand.
StevePake.com
Unplug Yourself
Disconnect and let yourself to recharge, but let this also be a time of reckoning. Remember that we all want so many of the same things, but merely disagree on how to get there. We all have a story that brings us to where we are in life. If people can't respect that story, your story, then perhaps they're not worthy of your time and energy.
I remember the time a few short years ago when I had melted down like I never had before in life. It was nearly two years after cancer had entered my life, and I was mourning the loss of a brother cancer warrior who had died, had been fearing that my own cancer had returned, and had so many worries about life and the future, and if I would even have one. The turmoil that cancer had brought into my life, along with all of the doom and gloom in the external world all formed the perfect storm, and finally got the better of me. I broke down so badly that I wasn't even functional as a human being anymore. I felt threatened from all corners, and to this day I still wonder how I even made it into work everyday.
Unplug yourself
For awhile I went cold, and disconnected from everything and everybody. Television, the news, the Internet and social media, and all but my closest friends just had to go for awhile. It's tough to fight the fires raging in your own mind when some are not helping at best, and when others are actually adding fuel to the fire!
Nobody is forcing you to stay connected to people or things that have become hurtful or toxic to your mental well-being. Make yourself your first priority. Take care of yourself first, and unplug whenever you need to, for as long as you need to. You can't be a good parent, a good spouse, or a good friend or source of support to anyone else, if the world has drained you down to 0%.
Disconnect and let yourself recharge, but let this also be a time of reckoning. Remember that we all want so many of the same things, but merely disagree on how to get there. We all have a story that brings us to where we are in life. If people can't respect that story, your story, then perhaps they're not worthy of your time and energy. However, this is a two-way street, as they too have a story that must be respected, even if you disagree. We all need to respect one another. If you can't, agree to disagree and move on.
"If you meet someone whose soul is not aligned with yours,
send them love and move along." - Dr. Wayne Dyer
We need more of that, and a whole lot less derision and hate, on all sides. Plug back in whenever you're ready. The world needs you, but don't let it take more than you can give, and don't waste your valuable time and energy on those that have not been deserving.
StevePake.com
You Will Survive
It's October 27th, 2016. I'm 39 years old today, and I've never seen anything that's described what my life has been like as a cancer survivor over the past few years in such few words, and with such a simple illustration as this. When I was diagnosed with testicular cancer at the age of 33, I thought my life was over, and that I wasn't going to survive. But I survived.
It's October 27th, 2016. I'm 39 years old today, and I've never seen anything that's described what my life has been like as a cancer survivor over the past few years in such few words, and with such a simple illustration as this. When I was diagnosed with testicular cancer at the age of 33, I thought my life was over, and that I wasn't going to survive.
I fought like hell. The treatments knocked me down so hard that I thought I wasn't going to survive, but I survived. A brutal and highly invasive surgery resulted in a torn vena cava. I nearly bled out right in the operating room and never would have woken up again, but I survived. I had so many scares in my years after cancer - every strange ache and pain wasn't just an ache or pain anymore, it was my cancer that was coming back. I thought I wasn't going to survive, but I survived. Post-cancer depression and posttraumatic stress hit me hard. If cancer wasn't going to kill me, then all of the demons that it had clouded my mind with might very well have. I thought I wasn't going to survive, but I survived.
Cancer has challenged me in every possible way, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. In many ways, I did die, but only the weaker parts of me, the parts that weren't strong enough to handle life after cancer. In their place, other parts of me were allowed to grow, and have made me into a much stronger person today. Forget 40. Even turning 39 used to be a pipe dream for me. It's our last year of life as young adults and a huge milestone for any young adult cancer survivor, but here I am at this finish line, 5 years cancer free, and discharged from oncology care!
I didn't think I'd survive all this, but I survived.
StevePake.com
You Can Go Through a Great Deal of Darkness, Yet Become Something Beautiful
A follower made a post, and asked an intriguing question. She asked, if you could go back and change just one thing in your life, would you? If you did, would that change make your life better? Or, was the one thing that was tearing you apart so intensely, the catalyst for the most intense breakthrough, change, and growth in your life that you could ever have imagined?"
A follower made a post, and asked an intriguing question. She asked, if you could go back and change just one thing in your life, would you? If you did, would that change make your life better? Or, was the one thing that was tearing you apart so intensely, the catalyst for the most intense breakthrough, change, and growth in your life that you could ever have imagined?"
I responded, the things that have torn me apart are what have made me into what I am today. I'm very proud of how I've grown through all of my challenges and through what life has thrown my way. I'm very proud of what I've become, and I think sometimes we were meant to hurt and suffer in our lives, so that we would have the opportunity to grow and evolve in such ways. I would not be even a fraction of the person that I am today without all of the challenges that I've faced in my life. Cancer, bizarre life situations, and a few very hurtful people, have all played a part and served a higher purpose in helping me to evolve, and become the person that I am today. I wouldn't change a thing.
StevePake.com
Courage Doesn't Always Roar
Having courage during and after cancer doesn't mean that you run hard-charging through every situation, treatment, and appointment, never showing a lick of fear. Sometimes courage means having a meltdown in the shower for 20 minutes in the morning before you can even get going, but you get going.
Having courage during and after cancer doesn't mean that you run hard-charging through every situation, treatment, and appointment, never showing a lick of fear. Sometimes courage means having a meltdown in the shower for 20 minutes in the morning before you can even get going, but you get going. Sometimes courage means holding yourself together while having yet another round of scans, blood tests, and follow-up appointments done. You walk out to your car afterwards and realize that you haven't breathed in a few days, and proceed to have a meltdown right in your car, and finally let all of that fear that's been inside of you out before heading back to work. Sometimes courage means nothing more than showing up and marking yourself present, being a complete wreck and getting nothing productive done, but vowing to do better tomorrow. Courage means that you keep getting up, showing up, and always trying your best, even when you're far from your best. When you've been hurting so badly inside, courage means making changes in your lives, even major ones, when you realize that your needs have changed after cancer, and that you need to live your life differently than you had before.
New routines, new philosophies, new attitudes, new circles of friends and support, new lifestyles, and ridding your lives of negative, toxic, or hurtful influences, all takes courage. I've done all of this after cancer not because I wasn't afraid and felt super courageous, but because I couldn't stand to keep hurting anymore, and couldn't keep living my life in fear. Love for my wife and family are the only things that have remained constant. Everything else has been ripped up, turned over, and re-evaluated after cancer. I'm a spiritually sound and confident person today, not because I wasn't terrified of making changes, but because I had the courage to. That's what courage is.
StevePake.com
Be Soft
Beneath it all, this has been the true challenge all along. Cancer entering my life at the age of 33 tried very hard to make me want to hate myself, to hate my body, and to hate the world for putting my family through something so traumatic.
Beneath it all, this has been the true challenge all along. Cancer entering my life at the age of 33 tried very hard to make me want to hate myself, to hate my body, and to hate the world for putting my family through something so traumatic. And it's not just cancer that tried so hard to make me a hateful person, but people that had failed me and let me down, too. I've been so hurt, betrayed, and have felt so disappointed and abandoned by some. Cancer teaches you who your friends are and aren't very quickly, and that family isn't just blood. But my cancer journey isn't even half the story anymore. This decade of my 30's has been extraordinary, in some of the worst possible ways.
Life has tried really hard to make me a hardened, hateful, and bitter person. And I've flat out refused. I've refused to let all of this destroy me. It may have burned me to the ground several times, but I've always gotten back up again, determined more than ever to grow and to do whatever I've needed to do to evolve myself past the challenges that life has thrown my way. I've taught myself to love instead of hate, to forgive despite having been so hurt, and to not let these multitude of life challenges ruin me as a person.
Don't let your challenges destroy you. Grow past them. Our lives continue to be extraordinary in ways that are unfathomable to most, but we're not letting that stop us from becoming the people that we aspire to be, nor from living the lives that we want to live. Be Soft.
StevePake.com
Do Good For Others, It Will Come Back in Unexpected Ways
It’s a wonderful feeling when you know that you’ve made a difference for others, and little do these friends of mine know just how much they’ve been helping me, as well. My family has once again been challenged in our lives this past summer, and as we’ve struggled to make sense of things all over again, all I’ve ever needed to do for inspiration and guidance is to look at these friends of mine, almost like a mirror image of my own family, as a reminder of what we’ve needed to KEEP doing.
Feel good Friday, and a true story.
When you finally manage to pull yourself through a really traumatic life experience or period of life, you have this moment of moral clarity where you just know what worked and why, what didn’t work and why, what you needed to do, and how you need to live. I made sure that I captured every bit of that before it faded in my early writing, because I never wanted to feel as hurt as I had been in my life ever again, and this was where my first major essay about cancer survivorship came from, “Steve Pake's Top 10 Guide to Surviving a Young Adult Cancer.” A dear and trusted friend that I had showed an early draft of this to was blown away, and encouraged me to be public with it and to find as broad of an audience as possible for my writing not just because of how powerful she felt it was, but because it applied not just to those facing cancer, but really anyone facing a painful or traumatic period of their lives. I was sure to take my friend’s advice.
My Insta friend Vince, and his wife, Aileen, are different kinds of survivors, and just the type of people that my friend had been referring to. It was so awesome to get such a wonderful shoutout from these friends across the pond upon their reaching a major milestone in their lives yesterday. It’s a wonderful feeling when you know that you’ve made a difference for others, and little do these friends of mine know just how much they’ve been helping me, as well. My family has once again been challenged in our lives this past summer, and as we’ve struggled to make sense of things all over again, all I’ve ever needed to do for inspiration and guidance is to look at these friends of mine, almost like a mirror image of my own family, as a reminder of what we’ve needed to KEEP doing.
Breathe, live well, be well, and never waste a day because life is so precious. Live the best possible lives that you can, without apology to anyone. Glad I was able to inspire, V&A. Congrats on your milestone, and thanks for inspiring right back!! Obviously our paths were meant to cross for a reason, and I’m glad that they have.
StevePake.com
Forgiving Another May Be The Ultimate Act of Self-Love
You have enough to carry on your own. Extra baggage from others shouldn't be included, so let it go. They don't need to deserve it. It's not for them, it's for you. Forgiveness is the ultimate act of self-love.
I've been hurt in my life, badly, by cancer, by life and what it's put my family and I through, and by people we've encountered along the way. Cancer serves as the ultimate reality check, and you find out very quickly who your friends are and aren't. And if ever there ever were a time for family members who have never really seen eye to eye to set aside their differences, you'd think that a health crisis where one is fighting for their lives would be the time, but apparently even that isn't good enough for some. Betrayals, people who you thought were friends but weren't, and even family that damn well ought to have been there for you, but never were. All of this hurts, on top of how badly cancer is already hurting you.
Forgive them all, if not for them, but for yourself. You can't move forward in life in a positive manner, if you allow such painful feelings towards others to bog you down. I'm a damned Scorpio. I literally did not have the word "forgiveness" in my vocabulary, but I forced myself to learn. Why was I still experiencing periods of depression and PTSD even years after cancer? Because I couldn't release this pain that I had inside of me from being hurt, and I feared being hurt again. Love yourself, forgive yourself, and forgive others. Release yourself from this pain. You have enough to carry on your own. Extra baggage from others shouldn't be included, so let it go. They don't need to deserve it. It's not for them, it's for you. Forgiveness is the ultimate act of self-love.
StevePake.com
No Effort Is Ever Wasted
You can put your heart and soul into something for years, towards healing, evolving, learning, growing, forgiving and forgetting, or doing whatever you feel that you need to do to overcome the challenges that life throws at us. It can hurt to have invested so much time and effort towards something, only to have not achieved the end result that you wanted, but this doesn't mean that you've failed.
You can put your heart and soul into something for years, towards healing, evolving, learning, growing, forgiving and forgetting, or doing whatever you feel that you need to do to overcome the challenges that life throws at us. It can hurt to have invested so much time and effort towards something, only to have not achieved the end result that you wanted, but this doesn't mean that you've failed. The fact is, you've grown as a person, you've expanded, and you've become a far better person than you were before. Not one single moment invested in yourself towards becoming a better person, and towards becoming the highest and most self-realized version of yourself that you can be is ever wasted. All of your efforts might not bear fruit in the intended area, but they will in others, and rest assured that the Universe will see to that. You personally will benefit from being a better person every single day, as will all others in your life, and the lives of those that you touch. Your efforts will bear fruit in many other ways. No effort is ever wasted.
No effort is ever wasted. Repeat this to yourself often.
StevePake.com
If You Don't Have Good Intentions, Please Just Leave Us Alone - We're Tired
Many of things that I write about are reflective of challenges faced and lessons learned in years past while overcoming cancer as a young adult, but this one is just as relevant today as it's been in the past. It's not just cancer and all of it's ugly aftermath that I've faced...
Many of the things that I write about are reflective of challenges faced and lessons learned in years past while overcoming cancer as a young adult, but this one is just as relevant today as it's been in the past. It's not just cancer and all of it's ugly aftermath that I've faced, but extremely hurtful and challenging personal situations with people I had considered friends, and that had been a part of my life, and now onto a terrible tragedy within our families that we're still trying to make sense of even months after the fact.
My wife and I are strong. We've been through each other's darkest days and most painful moments, and have loved each other and supported each other through it all. We're better, stronger, more in love, and more committed to each other than we've ever been, but we're also tired. Life has asked quite a bit of us, and continues to do so in the most extraordinary ways. To be a part of our lives, you have to be a force for good in our lives, and nothing less will do. We needed every bit of that when the enemy was cancer, and we still need every bit of that today. If you don't have good and positive intentions towards us, please just go. We love and adore our family and our friends that have been by our sides. Thank you for all of your support.
StevePake.com
Your Story Could Be The Key That Unlocks Someone Else's Prison, Don't Be Afraid to Share It
Writing has always been a huge outlet for me from the earliest and darkest days, and if you can understand something well enough to write about it, you can find ways to overcome it and heal from it as well. It's just in our human nature to hold our pain within, and in essence we create our own mental prisons.
Two friends of mine, both of whom lost sons to testicular cancer, shared this and it's perfect. Writing has always been a huge outlet for me from the earliest and darkest days, and if you can understand something well enough to write about it, you can find ways to overcome it and heal from it as well. It's just in our human nature to hold our pain within, and in essence we create our own mental prisons.
We tend to think we're all alone in what we feel, but the reality is that you're never alone. We're all unique and colorful individuals, but our humanity binds us, and we're all very much the same on the inside. We feel the same exact things, and hurt in the same exact ways. When I've been at my darkest and my lowest, it's neither answers nor even understanding that I've needed the most. Just knowing that I wasn't alone is what made it bearable, and in time, the answers that I needed came to me.
My wife, and even close friends, have seen me in tears from writing about things that have been very painful for me, and they've asked why I write if it causes me so much pain? The answer is that it's not causing me pain. That pain has already been there, and the writing that I do is a way of letting that pain out, so that I can be free of it and won't have to suffer from it any longer. It's been one of life's blessings to see so many people respond in such positive ways to my own writing simply by sharing my life in such a way, and to have been a key that's helped to unlock others from their own prisons and pain. Writing is the single most powerful thing that I've ever done after cancer, not just for others, but for myself. No one fights alone. We can all heal together.
StevePake.com
Do What Is Right, Not What Is Easy
We're creatures of habit. We stick with what we know, even when it might be hurting us, and even when we're broken inside. It's easy to just do nothing and keep suffering, but is that what's right? It's hard to change your ways, to change your lifestyle, to change your friends, your social circles, your routines, your beliefs, your views, and your attitudes, but sometimes that's what we have to do in order to get ourselves out of the holes that we're in, and to ultimately thrive again.
We're creatures of habit. We stick with what we know, even when it might be hurting us, and even when we're broken inside. It's easy to just do nothing and keep suffering, but is that what's right? It's hard to change your ways, to change your lifestyle, to change your friends, your social circles, your routines, your beliefs, your views, and your attitudes, but sometimes that's what we have to do in order to get ourselves out of the holes that we're in, and to ultimately thrive again.
Cancer as a young adult turned my world upside down. It was the storm that tore me apart, and so it makes perfect sense to me now, 5 years later, that almost no stone was left unturned in trying to right my world again. Ask me what I changed in my life after cancer, and the answer is everything, all of the above. Love for my wife and my family, and my desire to live and thrive again, are the only things that have remained constant. Everything else has changed. None of this is easy, and change can be messy and chaotic, but also healthy, needed, and what's right for you. Take the long view to love and care of yourself first. Short-term awkwardness and discomfort from making needed changes in your lives, are well worth the price of admission to the longer term feelings of peace and happiness that doing what's right for you can bring. Do what's right for you, always.
StevePake.com
When The Storm Rips You To Pieces, You Decide How to Put Yourself Back Together Again
It hurts to feel so broken like this, but a perk and right that you have, is that you and you alone get to decide how to put yourselves back together. The who and what, the when, the where, and the how, is all yours to decide, and no one else's.
It was February of 2013, two years after my cancer diagnosis. A friend of mine had just died of his cancer in the months prior, and others had recurrences and were fighting for their lives again. Another friend whom I had identified with very closely was in the last months of his life, with a wife and four young children at home, who would soon be losing their daddy. There were so many bad omens in the world, I had strange things going on with my body, and was scared to death that my cancer had returned. I felt surrounded by Death on all sides, and as though He had me on his radar screen, and that I could be next. I was so distressed about life that I had been crying myself to sleep on more than a few nights. On top of everything else, someone that I had trusted as a friend had betrayed that friendship and that trust in such a terrible way, that I told them not to ever speak to me again. At a time when I needed every last bit of love and support that I could get from friends, I was left wondering who my friends even were.
These are the storms that tear us apart. This was my rock bottom and ground zero, not when I was diagnosed with cancer, nor when I was going through three months of chemotherapy hell or brutal surgeries, but nearly two years later. I was supposed to have been moving on, closing in on my two years cancer free finish line, yet here I was stuck with the brakes on at the starting line. It hurts to feel so broken like this, but a perk and right that you have, is that you and you alone get to decide how to put yourselves back together. The who and what, the when, the where, and the how, is all yours to decide, and no one else's. Love yourself first, take care of yourself first, and do whatever you need to do for you, and no one else. You have the strength to make it through your storm, but you have to put yourself and your needs as your first priority. Love and care for yourself first. Only by doing that, will you be able to love and care for others in your life again.
StevePake.com