Leave, Change, or Accept - All Else Is Madness
I've written volumes on my website about the struggles I've faced as a cancer survivor and all that's challenged me. I can neither leave this situation, nor have I ever been willing to accept some things about it. All I've ever been able to do is CHANGE, to grow, and to evolve.
I've written volumes on my website about the struggles I've faced as a cancer survivor and all that's challenged me. I can neither leave this situation, nor have I ever been willing to accept some things about it. All I've ever been able to do is CHANGE, to grow, and to evolve. I'm not the same person that I was before cancer, nor am I even the same person I was immediately after my cancer fight. As I look back on five years of cancer survivorship, I can see three major periods of time where I crashed and burned to the ground hard, but then experienced tremendous growth and evolution afterwards as I had finally let go of the old, and embraced the new. Change is hard, but it's been the only way forward for me.
StevePake.com
No Matter How Slow You Go, You Are Still Lapping Everybody On The Couch
This was me at the gym this morning! But you know what, I still feel awesome mentally and physically despite a crappy workout. Exercise has been my cure-all for the past few years.
This was me at the gym this morning! But you know what, I still feel awesome mentally and physically despite a crappy workout. Exercise has been my cure-all for the past few years. Anxiety? Go for a run. Depressed? Go for a run. Feel like crap physically? Go for a run, or even just a walk if it's all you can do. Every single time, I've always felt a ton better physically and mentally after getting a good workout in. You don't have to set any records, and you're not competing with anybody else. Run, walk, cycle, lift weights, or even beat the hell out of a punching bag. Doesn't matter. Just get up and get moving. That's all you have to do.
StevePake.com
The Highest Form of Ignorance Is When You Reject Something You Don't Know Anything About
I love every single comment I get about my writing, including the occasional backfires. I knew when writing "PTSD After Cancer Part III" that I would catch some flak from somewhere for mentioning faith and spiritual beliefs as a way of healing, and I was right.
I love every single comment I get about my writing, including the occasional backfires. I knew when writing "PTSD After Cancer Part III" that I would catch some flak from somewhere for mentioning faith and spiritual beliefs as a way of healing, and I was right. The funny thing is that I myself had rejected faith as a way of healing previously. I had been closed to it, and even politely declined a few friends who had invited me into their churches. I didn't need it. Religion, and especially organized religion, wasn't what I was looking for. I made a lot of progress on my own, but could never seem to heal completely, and I'd have done anything to end the pain that I continued to feel inside even years after cancer. I was just tired of continuing to hurt from this. It was completely reversing course on faith, and developing an independent set of spiritual beliefs and going all in on them, that finally managed to heal me completely.
I'm not saying that anyone is right or wrong. This is an independent journey, and we all have to find our own ways. The only thing I'm saying is to keep an open mind. See my last post about needing to completely rearrange our lives, and getting out of our comfort zones. Faith was something that hadn't been a part of my life before, but that needed to be after cancer, that I only realized after 4 years. I wish I had realized this before, as it could have spared me quite a bit of internal suffering. Finally allowing myself faith and something to believe in beyond our physical existence tamed my mind, and took the wind right out of the sails of all of my inner fears. I'm truly in awe of the power of our own beliefs. Had my mind still been closed, I'd likely still be afraid, and still hurting inside today. Instead my mind is free and at peace. Always keep an open mind. What you reject today, could end up being your cure tomorrow.
StevePake.com
If You Want To Grow, Get Outside Of Your Comfort Zone
All of these fit together. Especially as young adults, cancer turns our lives upside down. Not all of the elements of life as we knew it before cancer, "BC", are going to fit into our new post-cancer lives. In order to thrive again, that means making changes in our lives.
All of these fit together. Especially as young adults, cancer turns our lives upside down. Not all of the elements of life as we knew it before cancer, "BC", are going to fit into our new post-cancer lives. In order to thrive again, that means making changes in our lives. New friends, new routines, new approaches to life, new philosophies, and even new religions. Trying new things means going outside of your comfort zones by nature, and that's ok. You might have to let go of some of the old, to embrace the new. It's all a part of finding that "new normal". You don't have to know what you're looking for. Just keep an open mind and keep on looking, and maybe you'll find something far greater than you could have possibly imagined.
StevePake.com
Strength Doesn't Come From What You Can Do, It Comes From Overcoming The Things You Once Thought You Couldn't
Sunday inspiration. We're so much stronger than we believe we are. There's a popular expression of doubt, "I'll believe it when I see it." The late Wayne Dyer wrote a book titled the reverse of that, "You'll see it when you believe it" about the power of our minds to transform our lives.
Sunday inspiration. We're so much stronger than we believe we are. There's a popular expression of doubt, "I'll believe it when I see it." The late Wayne Dyer wrote a book titled the reverse of that, "You'll see it when you believe it" about the power of our minds to transform our lives. For years after cancer, I struggled physically, mentally, and spiritually, but never stopped believing in myself, and always found ways to heal and overcome no matter what I was facing. One of the most important lessons I've learned in 5 years of cancer survivorship are the powers of belief, and to never stop believing in yourself. You CAN do it. You just have to believe.
StevePake.com
People Will Never Truly Understand Something Until It Happens To Them
Some of my nearest and dearest friends, people who've been named or pictured in some of my blogs and have been along for this ride with me in various ways, have said that they can't possibly understand or even imagine what this has been like to go through.
Some of my nearest and dearest friends, people who've been named or pictured in some of my blogs and have been along for this ride with me in various ways, have said that they can't possibly understand or even imagine what this has been like to go through.
God bless them for that, but I try, and we all should. It's only through a broader understanding of the challenges we face, and what our lives are really like as cancer survivors, that care and support for all of us will improve. This is a good problem to have. A generation ago, so many of us wouldn't even be here today, but instead would have died "after a long illness". There were no cures back then. It's a blessing to be alive today, but they're not easy lives to live. So many of us have numerous and significant challenges that we face in our lives after cancer. Bear your hearts, share your stories, and help that broader understand of the plight of cancer survivors come to fruition. We can make it happen.
StevePake.com
You Either Get Bitter, Or You Get Better
I can't change the fact that I had cancer. I can't change the fact that it wrecked me in so many ways physically, mentally, and spiritually. But I can control how I respond to being wrecked, and keep getting back up again. :)
I can't change the fact that I had cancer. I can't change the fact that it wrecked me in so many ways physically, mentally, and spiritually. But I can control how I respond to being wrecked, and keep getting back up again. :) You can't control what life might throw at you, all you can control is how you respond and your attitude. Keep getting up, keep trying new things, and keep going in new directions, until you find a way to overcome and thrive, no matter how extraordinary. "Your attitude is everything, and is a self-fulfilling prophecy. No matter what it is that you’re facing, if you believe in yourself with all of your heart and soul and believe that you’ll find a way to cope, to heal, or to overcome, you’ll find that way no matter how difficult. If you don’t believe in yourself, not only will you not find what you need, but you’ll prolong your own suffering and pain. Never give up, never stop believing in yourself, and keep your heart and your mind open. Surround yourself with positive and uplifting people that believe in you too, who can help to carry you during the times you might stumble."
StevePake.com
Rock Bottom Became The Foundation On Which I Rebuilt My Life
Just short of two years after my cancer diagnosis, I hit rock bottom. A friend of mine had died of his cancer, other friends were experiencing recurrences of theirs, I had strange things going on with my body, and thought for sure that my cancer had returned. I feared that I had just lived my last good days, and that I was going to die.
Just short of two years after my cancer diagnosis, I hit rock bottom. A friend of mine had died of his cancer, other friends were experiencing recurrences of theirs, I had strange things going on with my body, and thought for sure that my cancer had returned. I feared that I had just lived my last good days, and that I was going to die. There were so many bad omens in the world, and I felt surrounded by death. Someone that I had thought was a friend completely betrayed my friendship and my trust, and I didn't even know who my friends were anymore, when I needed them the most. I was hurting so badly inside from the terrible trials that life after cancer was putting me through, that I cried every single day for a month. I didn't even know why I was hurting as badly as I was, how I even needed to live my life, nor who my friends even were.
I had hit rock bottom. But it was from this point, at rock bottom, on which I rebuilt my life. Completely new routines, new or existing friends that I brought closer who could truly connect with me in the ways that I needed, and help to mentor and guide me, and new philosophies on which to live my life and approach my days. It was from this point, at rock bottom, that true healing after cancer finally began, and on which the foundation was laid that I'm able to thrive today.
StevePake.com
People's Eyes Tell Me More About Them Than Their Mouths
While in such distressed states, I've needed to be able to look someone in their eyes and just know that they're with me, that their hearts and their intentions towards me are pure, and I've needed to feel their strength, their confidence, and their positive energy as my own, because lord knows I've needed every bit of it.
As a cancer survivor, I've had 99 things on my mind, 99 things that have been hurting me, and 99 things that I've needed to heal from. The last thing I've ever needed is something or someone external to that, dragging me down even further. While in such distressed states, I've needed to be able to look someone in their eyes and just know that they're with me, that their hearts and their intentions towards me are pure, and I've needed to feel their strength, their confidence, and their positive energy as my own, because lord knows I've needed every bit of it. I can't have anyone dragging me down. A person's eyes are the windows into their souls. They give it all away. Listen to what your instincts are telling you about people, and use that as your guide to find the people that you need to help pull you through such difficult times, and to discard those that are no good for you. Eyes give it all away.
StevePake.com
You Are The Result of 4 Billion Years of Evolutionary Success - Act Like It
Part of coping with post-traumatic stress after cancer has been my attitude and mindset towards it, and the realization that there is NOTHING wrong with me. PTS is a very normal thing to experience for anyone who's been through traumatic experiences.
Part of coping with post-traumatic stress after cancer has been my attitude and mindset towards it, and the realization that there is NOTHING wrong with me. PTS is a very normal thing to experience for anyone who's been through traumatic experiences. But because PTS is only generically referred to as "PTSD", post-traumatic stress DISORDER, people just assume that there's something wrong with them, are afraid to talk about it, and don't seek the support that they need. We did not come to the position that we're in on our planet because we have poor instincts. We actually have extremely powerful instincts that are always lurking below the surface, and that serve us extremely well. PTS after traumatic events is not what's wrong with you, it's what's RIGHT. Check out my series of essays about PTS/PTSD After Cancer at my website.
StevePake.com
Sometimes You Just Have To Remove People Without Warning
As cancer survivors, we already have 99 things on my mind that are hurting us, that we're worried about, or afraid of. The last thing we need, is something or someone external to that adding to that burden.
As cancer survivors, we already have 99 things on my mind that are hurting us, that we're worried about, or afraid of. The last thing we need, is something or someone external to that adding to that burden. I don't have the time, and don't have the energy. I'm already hurting inside and now you're hurting me too. You just need go. It doesn't mean I hated you, and I might have even loved you. I just couldn't stand to be hurt anymore.
One of the most challenging, painful, and awkward things I've ever had to do as a cancer survivor, is to cut people off. Yes, disrupting personal relationships can be messy, painful, and chaotic, but you'll be so much better off in the end. Not only will you free yourself of additional sources of pain, but your heart and your mind will be open to new opportunities. Not only will you find people that are so much better for you, but you'll find those that can truly add to your life rather than subtract, and life will be so much better better in the end. Never hesitate to axe negative and toxic people out of your life, and there's absolutely no need to apologize, either!
StevePake.com
You Own Everything That Happened To You
Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should've behaved better.
I’m sorry to say, there are a few people out there that I’ve had quite challenging feelings towards. But this is my story, these are my experiences, and this is how various people and things out there have affected me, for better or for worse. The point is not to shame, but to share with others all of the ways in which we feel pain. It's been impossible to not identify some, but I’ve actually gone to great lengths to protect others that I’ve mentioned, because they’re still cared for, and I don’t want to hurt them by identifying them in any way to others.
You’re never going to know how close we are to the edge of our sanity. We don’t commonly show it, because we know people just aren’t going to understand unless they’ve been there too. We’re already feeling threatened, and possibly cornered by cancer. Even if we're in remission or all clear, it's still finding ways to push our buttons most every single day. You don't just "get over" cancer like you get over the flu. It scars you very deeply inside.
You need to be at your very best around us. You need to be able to bring positive and uplifting energy to the table, and we need to sense that your hearts and your intentions towards us are pure and honest. If we even suspect any impropriety from you, you’re doing it wrong. Believe me when I say, we’re not going to react well. Cancer can already have us on full alert. We might already be getting pushed to our limits, even if you have no idea. You didn’t see me wiping away tears five minutes ago, and now you’re pushing my buttons too. In the blink of an eye, you'll be gone.
"10 Important Lessons on Life, Love, and Forgiveness After Cancer"
All has been forgiven. It's funny how life works. It was because I had felt so betrayed and disgusted, that I completely changed directions, and found the path that I was meant to be on. It's because I had felt so abandoned, that I finally opened my mind and found what was truly meant for me in this world. Maybe, sometimes, we need to hurt like this, and that it's only through periods of great suffering that we finally rise up, and make the changes that we need to make in our lives in order to thrive. Years have passed now in most cases, and I've actually become very thankful for these people, despite the pain they had caused initially. Had I not been so hurt, I probably wouldn't have made the changes that I needed to in my life. It's through this realization that I've been able to forgive and love again, and have found the peace that I've needed.
I've come full circle, and actually have very kind things to say towards those that had hurt me in the past. I don't think some of them could ever possibly understand why or how, but at least I can feel that love and appreciation for myself through this writing, even if they'll never know. :)
StevePake.com