Do you have any idea how hard I've had to work to find happiness through the chaos and turmoil that cancer had brought into my life? I'm not just "happy" in my life today by accident. I've had to work on it for years, working through layer upon layer of pain, and rooting out the demons within me at every level. The self-doubt, the depression, the anxiety, the post traumatic stress, I had to work hard through all of it to get where I am today. Cancer as a disease of my body left me a long time ago, but it still persisted within me as a disease of my mind for many years after, haunting me, and constantly trying to bring me down. Mental health problems after cancer are so common, and such a burden to work through. Many people don't even know where to begin, and suffer for years.
I had just been chatting with a friend, trying to understand why I've had absolutely no desire to be even the least bit social with a particular circle of friends as of late. They're not bad people, and I don't dislike any of them. I just feel indifference, but indifference is less than happiness, and thus my complete lack of desire to engage at all. We feel like our lives are on a short clocks as cancer survivors. I need people in my life that I can have deep and meaningful bonds with, and/or just feel positive energy and good vibes from. I have no interest in anything less than that, and it's as simple as that! 👍 Literally it's not them, it's me. My bar is just so much higher than it ever used to be. #itsnotyouitsme